Sunday, 11 April 2010

My Wanky Internet Dating Profile - Part 2

Music: Still haven't found what I'm looking for - U2

Right, so I've filled in the wonderful "About Me" section on my profile.  Now I get to fill in the section of what I am looking for in my ideal man.

This should be easy.  I mean, after years of perfecting the art of finding what I don’t want in a man I’m pretty sure about what I do want. I can choose more than one option in each section to maximise my chances when searching, so here goes:

Hair: Black; Blonde; Dark blonde; Dark brown; Light brown; Salt and Pepper

(Auburn a.k.a. ginger (mingers) are out.  I’m not a fan of slapheads, so baldies don't make the cut either)

Eyes: Any

(Ideally he would have some)

Height: 5’10” (177cms) to 6’7” (200cms)

(Shorties need not apply.  I would love a man who can pass the heels test, but I can cope with 5’10”. Hopefully this will rule out all those freaky ‘petite’ men who have bodies like 14-year old boys)

Body Type: About average; Athletic and toned; Stocky

(Mmm, athletic and toned please!  However I am realistic.  As an average bodied kinda girl I maybe should expect an average bodied kinda guy? Plus, some men are modest and claim to be average when actually they are ripped. Maybe.  Well, unlikely.)

Languages: English

Ethnicity: White / Caucasian

Faith: Any

Education: Any

(If I'm honest I want to meet someone who is intelligent, but certificates aren’t the be all and end all. As long as we can converse in real words and not shorthand text message talk I’ll be happy)

Job: Any

(Having one would be a good start. And no, trying to get on ‘Deal or No Deal’ doesn’t count.)

Income: Any

(And so the lies begin.  Cards on the table: I want to find someone who earns a similar amount to me as I don't want to be somebody else's meal ticket. I daren't say this though as it feels a bit rude, and I don’t want to give the impression that I’m a gold digger. I’ve decided that I can assess a bloke’s income when I find out more about him.)

Smoke: No way

Drink: Any

(Yes please! Going out with a teetotaller would be a bit of a bummer, but on the positive side there would always be a designated driver.)

Relationships: Never married

(In an ideal world I would want to be his one great love. An ex-wife equals a whole load of baggage that I’d prefer not to have to unpack. But I am realistic and I know that there is a good chance that a man in his late twenties/early thirties could have this sort of relationship history.  I am prepared for it but would like to avoid it if possible)

Have kids: None

(Again it’s not ideal but I know it’s a possibility. I really want to have children one day, and if I do I would like it to be a first for both myself and the man I have them with.)

Want kids: Definitely; Some day; not sure

Turn-ons: Candlelight; Dancing; Flirting; Public displays of affection; Sarcasm; Skinny dipping; Thrills

(Groan. It’s the wanky internet dating section again)

Turn-offs: Body piercings; Long hair; Thunderstorms

(Well I don’t mind this section.  I hate long hair on men and body piercings just leave me cold. As for Thunderstorms? Well I hate argumentative relationships and I think this is what it means, or does it just literally mean Thunderstorms? I give up)

Right, that’s the easy bit done.

Now all I have to do is fill in the difficult wordy sections where I have to sound bright, interesting, amusing and the kind of girl that Mr Perfect Rugby Player has been searching for all his life.

Hmm.  I can't be arsed.  I'll do that tomorrow...


  1. "And so the lies begin" Haha. This is why internet dating is not the best form of finding someone. We all do some form of lying to be PC.

    Ah, the heel test. At 5"2" I don't usually have to worry about that test. But the few times I have, it's been quite annoying.

  2. See 5'10" would still be too short for me! I'm looking for 6'1" or above! Hope internet dating gives you better results than it did for me...

  3. It's all coming back to me how hard it is to online date (and it was only a few months ago - I must have blocked it from my mind!)

    Not that I had any success but I did get a lot of compliments about my online dating profile. I'd let you copy but it's all about being Scottish so I'm not sure it would work for you!!

    Rapunzel x

  4. I love when men say they're 5'10 and they're 5'8. lol score!!!....not.

    I have "does not want children" on my profile, (although I love kids and my profile also reflects that) you'd be surprised at the amount of hate mail I get from men and some women too.

    Isnt it better they know up front?

    I have one rule for online dating.... Never, NEVER meet anyone who will not get on webcam with you first. Anyone can post a picture of whomever etc.... Good luck with your searches online...

  5. Aaaaaaah Kate I had a guy message me on internet dating I think he was actually minus his eyes!!!! What is up with that surely in order to internet date you need to have some kinda sight!

  6. Fishy, you're not flirting with me are you? What about your blog wife, Rapunzel? ;-)

    Rapunzel - sort him out will you! I'd love to see what you wrote in your profile. Should I make mine funny do you think? Will my usual brand of sarcasm not put them off?

    Being Samaintha - I agree in that being up front and honest is really important. Well, apart from saying you want a bloke with a certain earning power, which is of course something we should pretend not to worry about when in actual fact it can be a dealbreaker!

    Jo - really? How did that work then I wonder?

    Snafu and Ca88andra - ah the dreaded heels test. It really can make or break sexual attraction I think. Do you remember when Samantha in SATC got together with the short guy? Exactly.