Music: Binary Love - The Rakes
OK, so first things first with this internet dating malarkey. I have to create a profile for myself.
Or so I thought. It really is a lot harder than it looks. I have to find a clear photograph of myself looking straight at the camera and it has to be a headshot. Right then...
(An hour or so later….)
I’ve been looking though all the photos of me on my computer and Facebook and out of hundreds I can only find two that I’m happy to have linked to my online dating profile. Two photos! The rest are group shots, long shots or photos from drunken nights out. I thought I might strike lucky with some of my holiday photos, but then I realised that my hair straighteners didn’t work in America (so those ones are a no-no), the photos of me in Italy were taken when I was a bit porky and in the rest I look a bit greasy because of the sun cream.
I’ve settled for a photo of taken in London a few months ago (one of the few photos I think I look quite pretty in) and a picture taken at the start of a night out before too many glasses of wine were consumed. I’ve submitted the photos knowing that it will take at least a day for them to appear on the site, so I might as well give some thought to what I’m going to write in my profile.
I’ve quickly realised that this is even harder than searching for a passable photograph. There are so many sections to complete, and all the time I’m conscious that I have to make it interesting and witty enough for the kind of guy I’m looking for to want to read it.
I decide to fill in my basic information, as this bit is easy.
Relationships: Never married
Want kids: Someday
Body Type: About average
(I’m a UK size 12, so as much as I’d love to I think I’d be lying if I say I am slender, as I reckon that’s a size10 or under)
Height: 5’8” (172cms)
Religion: Christian / Protestant
Smoke: No way
Drink: Social drinker, maybe one or two. (Ha! Well I socially drink one or two bottles of vino…)
Hair: Blonde (ish. Dark blonde I suppose)
Best Feature: Legs
Sports/Exercise: Gym; Weights/Machines; Aerobics
Exercise habits: 2-3 times per week
Daily Diet: Keep it healthy
Interests: Coffee and Conversation; Dining out; Movies/Videos; Museums and art; Music and concerts; Nightclubs/Dancing; Playing cards; Shopping; Travel/Sightseeing; Watching sports
(Just how lame is this section? This is why internet dating makes me feel like a loser. Coffee and Conversation? Seriously?)
Education: Bachelors degree
Languages: English, French (basic)
Star Sign: Don't believe in that nonsense
My place: Live alone
Pets I have: Fish
Pets I like: Cats; Dogs
OK good. That will do for now.
I'm off for a cup of tea and a lie down in a dark room. I'm sure internet dating isn't supposed to be such a harrowing experience...