First things first, and with my new approach to the dating game I need to be clear on what I'm looking for.
I know that over the years I’ve been selling myself short with the blokes I’ve dated and been in relationships with. I’m not supermodel good looking, but I’m by no means a hairy swamp donkey either. I think it must be down to a confidence thing, as through my teenage years and twenties I seemed to fall into the same pattern every time before getting together with a new man:
• I’m single for a while and decide I don’t want to be.
• I drunkenly snog someone, rush into it too fast, and before I know it we’re an item.
• It invariably goes wrong and I end it with them because there is a glaring incompatibility.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that:
Loneliness + Several vodkas = An Inappropriate Man in my Life
This is something that I’m not proud of.
I know there are men out there who match what I am looking for. I know this as THE man, my perfect man exists.
He is Dan Carter. The Perfect Package off the pitch. The Perfect 10 on it.
Dan is a rugby playing Adonis who plays for the New Zealand All Blacks rugby union team and wears the number 10 shirt. Most rugby fans will agree that he is the best Number 10 in the world at the moment, and I’d even go as far as saying that he’s the best rugby player in the world full stop. Oh, and did I mention that he is completely and utterly drop dead gorgeous? Dan has arms to die for and muscles in all the right places. He is tanned, toned and sexy but still somehow maintains his boyish charm.
In order to find my version of Dan Carter, I need work out just what it is about him that has got me so hooked. I need to break down his qualities to see the things I really want in a man, and from now on I won’t settle for less. So here goes. Here is my list of man requirements:
The Perfect 10
Dan has the body of a god and the world’s most amazing arms.
I’m not being shallow (OK, yes I am) but looks and attractiveness are the first things I notice about a man. I’ve got to fancy him even if I don’t realise I do straight away. And I fancy Dan. A lot. So this is number one on my list.
2. Sense of humour.
If I’m not able to laugh with my boyfriend then I don’t see the point really, so a similar sense of humour is really important. I have no idea what tickles Dan’s funny bone but sense of humour is crucial, so it’s in at number 2.
3. Being down to earth.
I’ve been out with guys who have an over inflated amount of self importance and men who’ve had their heads stuck in the clouds. Neither of these are great and both piss me off, so that’s something to avoid. Dan always seems modest and really down to earth in interviews so it’s added to the list.
4. Loyalty and Trust
Cheating is a big no-no. I need and deserve to be with someone who is 100% loyal and honest with me at all times. Trust is a must (cheesy but true). Have you ever heard any kiss and tell stories about Dan? Nope, me neither.
I don’t want to go out with someone who treats me like shit or like the lesser person in the relationship. I’ve been there before and it killed my self esteem. Now I’m back to the “me” I know I am with my confidence returned I am determined not to let this happen again. Therefore I am looking for someone who is kind, caring and will look after me a little bit too. Preferably with big, strong arms to wrap around me.
6. Has a strong sense of family
I suppose this is increasingly rare nowadays, but if a man’s parents are still together and happily in love (like my parents are) then I think this is something that their children aspire to as well. Not always, but most of the time I think this is true. Family is really important to me and if I have children I would ideally like to do this within a loving family environment so if I’m setting out to get my ideal then this has got to be part of it.
This is also pretty important. No offence, but who wants to be with a man that doesn’t know his arse from his overdraft and can’t support himself financially? Dan the man can, especially with his advertising campaign for a certain underpants range. (I can’t see an overdraft but I can definitely see his rather lovely derriere).
8. Ambition and a drive to succeed
This is really important to me. I don’t mind so much what a man has ambition to do, but I hate people who coast along in life with no focus.
Dan plays rugby for his country. Cheeeck.
9. Different Interests.
Living in each other’s pockets is not fun. I think that shared interests are crucial, but so are individual ones. Go off and play golf and I’ll happily trot off down the shops and lust over some handbags.
Not all the time so that I’m spewing up into my cornflakes whilst he recites me a love poem, but a little bit of love and romance goes a long way. I’ve been out with a bloke who was good at the romance but was rubbish everywhere else and the relationship lasted longer than it probably should because of all the tingly romantic feelings.
(And I bet Dan buys his girlfriend flowers and is really good at writing romantic cards).
Oh, and one final thing which didn’t quite make it to the top ten:
Must be a good kisser.
I bet you thought I was going to say “Mind Blowing Sex” in didn’t you? Well I didn’t, and for one very good reason. I’m not necessarily going to jump straight into bed with a bloke that I meet (although I might, you never know) however I’m much more likely to kiss him pretty early on. If a bloke is crap at kissing then I am pretty sure he will more than likely be crap in bed.
I should know: I’ve been there. He wasn’t very good at thw whole kissing thing so I should have expected it I suppose, but as he disappeared under the duvet my mojo was unceremoniously dampened by his super-fast, speed-circling tongue which assaulted me like a tumble dryer on a spin cycle and not in a good way. He shall remain nameless.
So there they are: my man requirements. Am I asking for too much? Well, if I’m talking about getting together with Dan Carter, then yes. As for a bloke like him? I don’t think that I am. After all, I’m sure there are men out there that fill my criteria who I would find funny and engaging, and who would also see me as their perfect match. If they have arms of steel and happen to enjoy wearing shorts and rolling around a muddy rugby pitch – well that would be a big bonus! I am determined that this year my romantic life is going to be different as I’m going to be aware of what I really, truly want and who is right and good enough for me. Gone are the years of wasting time, tears and push up bras on unsuitable men who either aren’t right or who are in it for the wrong reasons.
So with all this in mind, here starts my new approach to dating and something of an experiment for the coming year.
Here’s the challenge: One Year. One List. The search for The Perfect 10