Headline Act

Help!  I need your help!

Why did no-one tell me that setting up an internet dating profile is such a minefield?

I’m really struggling for inspiration for my profile headline.  This is a one liner that will be displayed under my username and next to my picture.  What the hell should I put that doesn't make me sound like a borderline mental patient?

According to the tips on the site apparently this is a good way to entice people to look at your full profile. Either that, or it’s an easy way to make yourself look like a total freak.


I’ve decided to check out my competition. Here is a selection from some of my fellow female online daters, along with what I think of them:


Girl seeks knight in shining armour to whisk her off her feet!

- Classic, traditional and a bit boring. Also, I bet this poor girl will be inundated with messages from knights in tarnished armour all offering to prod her with their rusty lances. Romantic.

Georgeous wee lass

- ...who cannot spell.

Where are you?

- Let’s be having you! Is it just me or does this sound like a desperate plea? I’ll tell you where all the men are: they’re dying a slow and painful death in IKEA whilst harbouring a not so secret desire to be down the pub watching the football with their mates.

Hi

- Zzzzzzzzz. Not a very promising start. The name of the game is to try and grab someone’s attention and encourage them to read on. This is dull, dull, DULL!

Fun loving, tall, slim brunette

- Not bad. This is nice and descriptive but not very intriguing. I can see how this will appeal to all the men out there, but they’ll probably just use her profile photo for a cheeky five knuckle shuffle whilst waiting for the five minute freeview on Playboy TV.

Wanted: Testosterone

- She might as well have just written 'Wanted: Cock'.  I guess she must be happy for geeky blokes called Colin to send her pictures of their knobbly penises.  (Or is the plural penii?  I never did know...)

Can you keep up?

- How? Sexually? With a football?

Blonde and buxom

- The picture of the lady whose profile this belonged to suggested peroxide and a few too many extra pounds. Mental note to self: I must be aware of false advertising.

Looking for an adventure?

- I don’t think this too bad an opener and I reckon this could be good conversation starter. I like how it is phrased as a question and I can see how this would appeal to a bloke. That is, unless the lady in question’s idea of an adventure is a battle through the scrum of rabid shoppers in Primark on a Saturday afternoon.

New to the market

- Are you a used car that’s been around the block a few times? Yes, and that’s why you’ve found yourself floundering around the internet equivalent of a backstreet scrap yard. Not a good analogy.

HAVE A LOOK!!

- OR ELSE!!!!!!


From looking at other profiles on the site it seems that I’m not the only one who is struggling with what should be a simple opening one liner.

I am thoroughly depressed.

Any ideas? 

Help!