Hollow Little Profile

Music: Had Enough - The Enemy

OK, so I've been a bit lax at keeping you up to date on my internet dating shenanigans with the recent distraction of Joe.  I'm really sorry, and it's time to bring you up to date.
I've received quite a few messages but none from sexy cat guy.   Hmm.  I'm a bit disappointed as he did look pretty hot, but If I'm honest we didn't have that much in common.

Early favourite of you guys, Peter the rugby league fan, hasn't replied yet either.  However, the stalker in me sees that he's not logged on again since I replied, so I'm not writing him off just yet.

Most of the messages I have received are from guys who are tedious/fugly/freaky/a combination of all three.

But there have been some more interesting ones too...

The first message is a reply from Graham.  Remember him?  He was the project manager who sent me a lovely opening message, but who looked a bit like Quasimodo's twin brother.  I replied to him out of politeness.

Never again.

Here is what he sent to me one hour after my initial response.

Message 1


Hi!


Thanks for your message, and yes I know, supporting Leeds United is a pretty large cross to bear but someone has to do it!


I see from your profile that you love travelling. What was California like? I’d love to go to America but I’ve never quite got round to to/found someone to go with. The best place I’ve visited would be Greece I think. I went a couple of years ago and really enjoyed it. There is so much to see and so much history, and the people are really friendly. Gotta be careful of the Ouzo though! One day when I was there the funniest thing happened. I....


And he went on, and on and on...

To give you a quick overview so you’re not reading his message all night like I was, Graham discussed his holiday to Greece in great detail, including the food, drinks and what he did on almost every day. Then he moved on to a long list of where he would love to visit, swiftly followed up with a rundown on what seemed to be his entire music collection and love of modern jazz.

By the time I’d finished reading his message I felt quite exhausted.

TOO MUCH INFORMATION!

However, the thing that swung it for me in deciding not to engage him in further conversation was his signoff, which read:

Anyway, it’s been great chatting to you! Would you like to meet up so I can explain just why Steven Segal is undoubtedly the finest kung-fu actor in the world?


Graham

I don't think he was joking.
Next!

Message 2


Ah so I was right it was you! So you’re living up North now too? It’s been years since those days at uni. I went back with my mates last year to see how things have changed and you’ll never believe it but our old halls of residence have been bulldozed and replaced by some swanky new student apartments. No more skanky shared bathrooms and one kitchen between thirty people. Students don’t know they’re born these days!


So what are you up to now? I work as a Financial Advisor which is a little bit of a shock considering I did Geography at uni, but everything seems to be going pretty well. I live in Headingley with a couple of mates and still support Barnsley. Do you still any people from the old days? I still see Mikey (it was his stag do the other weekend – I’m best man- aagh the speech!), and occasionally I meet up with Chris, James and Ed when I’m down in London as they’re still all down there living the high life.


Anyway, got to go, work to do and all that. See you later,


Andy

I’m a bit confused by this message. You might have guessed that it’s from the guy I went to the same university as, and I can’t quite work out why he’s suddenly interested in finding out what I’m up to. We hardly said two words to each other when we were at college and I don’t think I even knew his real name back then as everyone always called him Barnsley - after the football team he supports.

The only reason I replied was my visions of him reintroducing me to sexy Mikey, but he's pissed all over that dream with his revelation he's getting married.

I sent Andy a message back letting him know what I’m up to and who I still see from the old days. I’m pretty surprised about our halls of residence though. That’s a real shame as I’ve got so many brilliant memories from that place... and so many that are a little bit hazy due to alcohol...

The big old 1960’s red brick accommodation blocks of our halls were so outdated but I bet each room could tell thousands of stories if the old cliché were true and that walls could talk. Security was so lax and you could break into each floor using an old credit card and a flick of the wrist.  It seems like a million years ago...

The next message in my inbox is from James, the guy who sent me the initial stock opener. He seems to have perked up a bit now though:

Message 3

Hi,


Good to hear from you! Ah so you were at the Bloc Party gig last year too! They were brilliant weren’t they? The Academy is a fantastic venue isn't it?  Much better than the uni.  What’s the best gig you’ve ever seen? I think mine would be Sigur Ros at Manchester Apollo. It was a completely different kind of gig as everyone was sat down but it was one of those amazing concerts where all the hairs on the back of my neck stood up on end.


As for Australia, I travelled round with my mate for a month or so before we headed to America. In Oz we went to the usual suspects: Sydney, Melbourne, up the Gold Coast to Brisbane, Fraser Island then worked our way up to Cairns, stopping off at the Whitsundays on the way. It’s an amazing place and I’d love to go back. I agree with you that the Whitsundays are beautiful and I’m disappointed that we didn’t stay there for longer as in the end Cairns didn’t live up to my expectations. So have you got any hols to any exciting destinations planned for this year? You say in your profile that you’d like to visit Thailand? I’m desperately trying to save up to go to China as the place absolutely fascinates me.


Anyway, take care and hope to hear from you soon.


James

Aw that’s nice. He hopes to hear from me soon AND he seems really interesting and into his music and travelling. I send him a message back talking a bit more about music and gigs that I’ve been to (and the ones that I’ve got lined up. Oooh maybe he could be a contender to come and watch some with me in a few months...).

Message 4

Hello there,


I’m Tony, I’m 29 and I live in York. I liked your profile very much and we have quite a few things in common. I also support Liverpool but the less said about this season the better! I also like walking in the countryside and am quite an outdoorsy type of person.


I have to be up front and honest with you though as I am only partially sighted which means that I have to walk with a stick but I am very self sufficient and do most things that everyone else manages to do. I even managed to do a sky dive earlier in the year to raise money for the RNIB!


Please have a look at my profile and it would be lovely to hear from you.


Tony

I feel really bad now as Tony sounds like a really nice guy, his profile is great and he’s good looking too.

But he is disabled and as much as I hate to admit it to myself, I don’t want to get involved with someone who walks with a white stick (and not just because of the obvious jokes that I’ll get about only being able to pull a blind man).

It’s terrible, but I’m discounting him purely on his disability. If I’d met Tony any other way we might have really hit it off, got to know each other and his blindness might not have been an issue. On the internet however it’s so easy just to say “Next”, discount him and move on.

Is this any different to deciding not to get back to a man based just on his looks like I have been doing?

Somehow it all seems a bit too superficial now.

I’m still beating myself up about Tony and whether I should reply to him or not. I don’t want another Graham style sympathy vote but I feel so bad because of the reason why I don’t want to reply to him.

I get the feeling that signing up for internet dating might be signing up for the long haul - and it looks like it could be a bumpy ride.