Tuesday, 11 May 2010

Hollow Little Profile

Music: Had Enough - The Enemy

OK, so I've been a bit lax at keeping you up to date on my internet dating shenanigans with the recent distraction of Joe.  I'm really sorry, and it's time to bring you up to date.
I've received quite a few messages but none from sexy cat guy.   Hmm.  I'm a bit disappointed as he did look pretty hot, but If I'm honest we didn't have that much in common.

Early favourite of you guys, Peter the rugby league fan, hasn't replied yet either.  However, the stalker in me sees that he's not logged on again since I replied, so I'm not writing him off just yet.

Most of the messages I have received are from guys who are tedious/fugly/freaky/a combination of all three.

But there have been some more interesting ones too...

The first message is a reply from Graham.  Remember him?  He was the project manager who sent me a lovely opening message, but who looked a bit like Quasimodo's twin brother.  I replied to him out of politeness.

Never again.

Here is what he sent to me one hour after my initial response.

Message 1


Thanks for your message, and yes I know, supporting Leeds United is a pretty large cross to bear but someone has to do it!

I see from your profile that you love travelling. What was California like? I’d love to go to America but I’ve never quite got round to to/found someone to go with. The best place I’ve visited would be Greece I think. I went a couple of years ago and really enjoyed it. There is so much to see and so much history, and the people are really friendly. Gotta be careful of the Ouzo though! One day when I was there the funniest thing happened. I....

And he went on, and on and on...

To give you a quick overview so you’re not reading his message all night like I was, Graham discussed his holiday to Greece in great detail, including the food, drinks and what he did on almost every day. Then he moved on to a long list of where he would love to visit, swiftly followed up with a rundown on what seemed to be his entire music collection and love of modern jazz.

By the time I’d finished reading his message I felt quite exhausted.


However, the thing that swung it for me in deciding not to engage him in further conversation was his signoff, which read:

Anyway, it’s been great chatting to you! Would you like to meet up so I can explain just why Steven Segal is undoubtedly the finest kung-fu actor in the world?


I don't think he was joking.

Message 2

Ah so I was right it was you! So you’re living up North now too? It’s been years since those days at uni. I went back with my mates last year to see how things have changed and you’ll never believe it but our old halls of residence have been bulldozed and replaced by some swanky new student apartments. No more skanky shared bathrooms and one kitchen between thirty people. Students don’t know they’re born these days!

So what are you up to now? I work as a Financial Advisor which is a little bit of a shock considering I did Geography at uni, but everything seems to be going pretty well. I live in Headingley with a couple of mates and still support Barnsley. Do you still any people from the old days? I still see Mikey (it was his stag do the other weekend – I’m best man- aagh the speech!), and occasionally I meet up with Chris, James and Ed when I’m down in London as they’re still all down there living the high life.

Anyway, got to go, work to do and all that. See you later,


I’m a bit confused by this message. You might have guessed that it’s from the guy I went to the same university as, and I can’t quite work out why he’s suddenly interested in finding out what I’m up to. We hardly said two words to each other when we were at college and I don’t think I even knew his real name back then as everyone always called him Barnsley - after the football team he supports.

The only reason I replied was my visions of him reintroducing me to sexy Mikey, but he's pissed all over that dream with his revelation he's getting married.

I sent Andy a message back letting him know what I’m up to and who I still see from the old days. I’m pretty surprised about our halls of residence though. That’s a real shame as I’ve got so many brilliant memories from that place... and so many that are a little bit hazy due to alcohol...

The big old 1960’s red brick accommodation blocks of our halls were so outdated but I bet each room could tell thousands of stories if the old cliché were true and that walls could talk. Security was so lax and you could break into each floor using an old credit card and a flick of the wrist.  It seems like a million years ago...

The next message in my inbox is from James, the guy who sent me the initial stock opener. He seems to have perked up a bit now though:

Message 3


Good to hear from you! Ah so you were at the Bloc Party gig last year too! They were brilliant weren’t they? The Academy is a fantastic venue isn't it?  Much better than the uni.  What’s the best gig you’ve ever seen? I think mine would be Sigur Ros at Manchester Apollo. It was a completely different kind of gig as everyone was sat down but it was one of those amazing concerts where all the hairs on the back of my neck stood up on end.

As for Australia, I travelled round with my mate for a month or so before we headed to America. In Oz we went to the usual suspects: Sydney, Melbourne, up the Gold Coast to Brisbane, Fraser Island then worked our way up to Cairns, stopping off at the Whitsundays on the way. It’s an amazing place and I’d love to go back. I agree with you that the Whitsundays are beautiful and I’m disappointed that we didn’t stay there for longer as in the end Cairns didn’t live up to my expectations. So have you got any hols to any exciting destinations planned for this year? You say in your profile that you’d like to visit Thailand? I’m desperately trying to save up to go to China as the place absolutely fascinates me.

Anyway, take care and hope to hear from you soon.


Aw that’s nice. He hopes to hear from me soon AND he seems really interesting and into his music and travelling. I send him a message back talking a bit more about music and gigs that I’ve been to (and the ones that I’ve got lined up. Oooh maybe he could be a contender to come and watch some with me in a few months...).

Message 4

Hello there,

I’m Tony, I’m 29 and I live in York. I liked your profile very much and we have quite a few things in common. I also support Liverpool but the less said about this season the better! I also like walking in the countryside and am quite an outdoorsy type of person.

I have to be up front and honest with you though as I am only partially sighted which means that I have to walk with a stick but I am very self sufficient and do most things that everyone else manages to do. I even managed to do a sky dive earlier in the year to raise money for the RNIB!

Please have a look at my profile and it would be lovely to hear from you.


I feel really bad now as Tony sounds like a really nice guy, his profile is great and he’s good looking too.

But he is disabled and as much as I hate to admit it to myself, I don’t want to get involved with someone who walks with a white stick (and not just because of the obvious jokes that I’ll get about only being able to pull a blind man).

It’s terrible, but I’m discounting him purely on his disability. If I’d met Tony any other way we might have really hit it off, got to know each other and his blindness might not have been an issue. On the internet however it’s so easy just to say “Next”, discount him and move on.

Is this any different to deciding not to get back to a man based just on his looks like I have been doing?

Somehow it all seems a bit too superficial now.

I’m still beating myself up about Tony and whether I should reply to him or not. I don’t want another Graham style sympathy vote but I feel so bad because of the reason why I don’t want to reply to him.

I get the feeling that signing up for internet dating might be signing up for the long haul - and it looks like it could be a bumpy ride.


  1. I think you should go out with Tony - at least it will be an interesting.

    I once went on a date with a guy in a wheelchair. It was difficult in parts but it defintely had its good points (like when we were in a busy bar and I didn't have to bother looking for a chair, I just sat on his knee!) and it was one of my more memorable dates over the years!

    Rapunzel x

  2. Graham: wow buddy! I've had a couple of these too. Like I sent a polite note saying that I didn't think we were a match, and he sent me a message asking me why! Ugh.

    Andy: well, he's written you back so I'd definitely say he's interested. Maybe the fact that you went to the same Uni was just an excuse to message? ;)

    James: Mmm, definitely interested.

    Tony: I think you should go out with him too! Or well, at least write back to him. He could be the most interesting yet! Interesting though that he mentions his disability in the first message though. What's to lose?

    Yep, have to look through a lot of internet chaf to get down to the wheat! Good luck :)

  3. Love this post, you make internet dating interesting.
    But God are those guys dull. All of them!!!

    Don't feel bad about Tony. I would meet him myself, just because I like originality. So a guy that is partially blind will automatically awake my interest because he is different. And he seems like a nice guy.
    But don't do it if you don't want to, definitely not.

  4. first off, im a strait guy. but reading your post, TONY is the best option.

  5. Write Tony back explaining although you may not have any experience "dating" someone with a partial disability, you find him interesting and would love to know him on a platonic level....

    ya its another way of saying "friends" but you'll be upfront and honest. He might appreiate it....

  6. Hahahahahaha. Love the Greece message, and agree with Rapunzel about Tony. Do it for us.
    *Plentymorefishoutofwater - One Man's Dating Diary*

  7. I don't know if I feel comfortable dating Tony just so I can blog about it. That seems wrong in so many ways....

  8. Rapunzel's comment about sitting on the guy's knee made me crack up!

    If you think you would have been blind to Tony's disability (no pun) had you met in person, then give it a shot.

    Oh, and dating someone just to blog about it is wrong? Well then I'm going to hell :)

  9. Regarding your attitude about Tony and his disability...You at least have the courage to be totally honest, and that is a good thing. I'm sure somewhere there is a lady who would feel that she WANTS to date him, for whatever her reasons are.I think it is great that you are not being deceitful and wishy washy about it.

  10. I don't think you should feel bad if you don't want to date Tony. I'm sure you'd be open about being friends with him. But when it comes to dating, people should feel free to pass on someone else regardless of the reason.


  11. what are you talking bout? steven seagal is totally awesome! :P but okay, graham isn't. i honestly wouldn't have been able to read his lengthy email. i'd say ignore him since if you reply politely you'd just going to get another lengthy email or an email asking why.

    bout tony, well i guess you have to really ask yourself if you were totally cool with his disability. it's worst to lead him on by agreeing to date him when at the end of it all, you can't quite fully accept it. i don't know. that's a tricky one.

  12. So James of course, and Tony ? Well you are right, no need to start something that you may not enjoy. But I give him props for being honest. Cause the last thing you want is to find out once you see him. Then you really would be blogging about it.
    (p.s-> read my next post soon, i totally did a bold move =])

  13. maybe its Tony's sense of humour and he's not actually blind?! it may be his sympathy vote chat up line?! you could always go on the date and do a fish if its hard work - he may not realise that you've not come back anyway?

    I have a feeling that Andy may just be finding out the info to relay to all the boys...

    I'd gun for James - I think going to a gig with someone is a really good way to figure out if they could be a potential match or just a friend to have fun with xx

  14. I met a guy online who turned out to have a speech impediment-- I actually honestly thought he might be deaf by the way that he spoke (though he said a couple of times that people had time understanding his "dublin accent". I've met people from dublin before. They don't talk like that.)

    Anyway, I didn't go out with him again even though he was great otherwise. I know a lisp isn't exactly a disability, but it is shallow nonetheless.

    If you think about it, though, what's worse- not going out with him, or only going out with him as a pity date? I'm sure he doesn't want that. There are probably other girls who don't really care about partial blindness.

  15. Chanel Girl - Tony is definitely not using a sympathy line. One of his pictures is of him with his white stick.

    Firstdateonlyproject - I think you've hit the nail on the head. What's worse - not going out with him or doing it as a pity date? It's got to be the latter I think. Not that I pity Tony - I mean, if I went out with him it would only be to stop myself from feeling guilty, I think. Or something like that. It's so hard to explain!

  16. Kate - you said he was good looking and interesting, it's just a date for now. If the tables turn and it gets to the point where his partial sightedness becomes a problem then deal with it then. He sounds like he could be a better bet than some of the others...xx

  17. I've replied to Tony. I decided to keep it friendly that's all. Hope that's not disappointed any of you too much!

  18. I love your blog. You keep me intrigued to know what happens next. And I like how you decided to follow your intuition re Tony, it's always a wise female move i reckon.

  19. You've done the right thing with Tony, you've been yourself with him and with yourself.

  20. I'm slightly disappointed, but only for selfish reasons cause it would have been good to read about.

    I suppose it would have been rubbish that he'd never be able to see whether you were looking your best or not...wait maybe that could have been a good thing?!

    Anyway, now he's not in the frame, who is......?????

    Rapunzel x

  21. I meant you've been honest with him and with yourself!!

  22. Kate, you confirm everything I ever thought about internet mating. It's not a patch on the traditional way of finding a sig oth, which, as Snaf has described elsewhere, is to go to the pub, have a few, and see what turns up.

    Bottoms Up! X

  23. was re-telling this story to a friend, only to realise half way through that she wasnt even finding this slightly amusing....then i remembered her mum has a gozzy eye and could possibly be partially sighted. ouch ........major schoolboy error.
    perhaps we could set them up?!