Friday 12 March 2010

Honk if You're Horny

Music: Lovers in the Backseat - Scissor Sisters

After finding out that Matt was seemingly going to propose to me on Christmas day, I did what any messed up girl would have done in that situation:  I pretended like it had never happened and threw myself into the festive spirit.  Which in my case, was called vodka.

The following week after Presentgate it was my office Christmas party, and whilst everyone else was draping themselves in tinsel and positioning themselves under the mistletoe, I was quiet and withdrawn.  Despite my best efforts I just couldn’t stop thinking about the present and what it meant.

I couldn’t split up with Matt just before Christmas but I couldn’t bear the thought of opening our gifts together on Christmas Day morning and just how awful it was going to be. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him and I didn’t know what to do.

I decided the best course of action was to go to the office party and get leathered. Which is exactly what I did.

Work’s dos are usually naff where I work, although in previous years there’s been the saving grace that the venue has been in the centre of town. This means that after you’ve eaten the rock hard Brussels sprouts and slab of Christmas pudding you can F-off somewhere else before the embarrassing dancing starts.

Not this year.

Due to the “late booking” (read cost savings), the Christmas party was at a hotel in the middle of nowhere. It was miles away from anything and there was absolutely nothing to do nearby.  Well, unless you class dogging as a great way to spend a few hours.  The park just up the road was apparently a bit of a hotspot for sexual deviants, and with a quick flash of your headlights you would be up to your eyes in spunk filled tissues faster than you could say "honk if you're horny". 
(In case you’re wondering, I have a friend who is a policeman and he told me about it. I've never been there myself - honest).

As getting jiggy with it in my car with sleazy old men peering through the sunroof and wanking themselves off really wasn’t my thing it looked like I was stuck in the hotel.

It was OK though as we could bring our partners, so hurrah, Matt was with me. Pass the wine please...

The meal passed without event and I was actually having quite a good time, although I admit that the free-flowing alcohol did help.

After the meal we all migrated to the bar area, where there was an open fire and plenty of tables. One of the team leaders and his girlfriend were pretty big drinkers, so tequila slammers were soon being ordered for everyone and lined up on the bar. I didn’t complain as he was he probably earned way too much, and no-one stopped him as he bought round after round and refused to let anyone else pay. Fair enough.

One.


Two.


Three.

Lick.

Gulp.

Slam.

Suck.

Ugggh.

I’d lost sight of Matt by this point as I think he was talking to/at someone about different styles of management.  I figured that he was probably in his element as he was giving his opinion to others, so I sat down at one of the tables round the corner from the bar.

The office where I work is mostly filled with my direct colleagues but there are a few sales men that sit at the far end. The sales guys are all a really good laugh and I always chat to them on my way to the kitchen. 

Well, I chat to all but one of them, who from now on I shall refer to as Foxy Scott.

As I sat down and massaged feet which ached from standing in my heels, I glanced across the room and saw Foxy Scott leaning against the bar, looking at me. 

I smiled at him. 

He smiled back. 

Then he started to walk over...

Things were about to get very interesting...

11 comments:

  1. Nooooo you can't finish it there!!

    I well and truly heart your blog. Almost every line I wish was mine!

    It did feel slightly wrong reading about dogging while eating my cornflakes but I couldn't wait after seeing you had posted!

    Rapunzel x
    www.talesfromthetower.co.uk

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  2. AAAARRRRGGGHHHH! Rapunzel is right, you can't leave it there. This blog gets better and better. I'm predicting a three way between you, Matt and Foxy Scott - then Matt changes his mind and proposes to FS instead
    *Plentymorefishoutofwater - One Man's Dating Diary*

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  3. Kate get the next one up soon!!! Can not wait!!!

    Lottie x

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  4. Yeah sorry about the suspense everyone! I will post the next installment on Sunday before I go and visit my Mum with flowers and chocolates for Mother's Day.

    Kate x

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  5. I am looking forward to the continuation as well...but please, I hope...no 3 way with 2 dudes...

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  6. No fair! Such a tease! Hey, paid for dinners are way better than the american pot-luck 'family' parties with secret santa. Trust me on this one.

    Ooh, this IS about to get interesting!

    http://lifebginstat30ty.blogspot.com

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  7. If this was a book, I'd so buy it and wouldnt be able to put it down. Recommending this blog to everyone I know, old, young, fat, skinny, short, tall, ugly, insanely good looking etc.... There is something in here for everyone.

    Hurray... Its like the night before santa comes, can-not-wait!!!!

    Being Samiantha

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  8. UMM wait, why did you stop??
    also i missed the background info, so how exactly did you know your bf was going to propose and why did you not want that? I mean duh every girl wants to get married like right meow!! ;)

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  9. Matt: talking to somebody about management styles!!

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  10. Wow, you are soooo messed up!!! and I love it very much. This is such a interesting blog. Where was I all this time??

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